


Hamilton gone to Hell

by shippingParaphernalia



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Hamilton soundtrack, Historical References, I don't usually write like this I swear, I was probably drunk when I wrote this, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm so sorry, Intentionally Bad Spelling & Grammar, Joke Fic, Lams - Freeform, Multi, Requests are appreciated, This Is STUPID, Why Did I Write This?, Why do people like this, crackfic, etc - Freeform, hamilton crack, jeffmads - Freeform, please guys, you know the drill
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-09-24 15:29:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 5,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9768173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shippingParaphernalia/pseuds/shippingParaphernalia
Summary: HAMILTON: gentlemen of the jury did you know one day y'all gon die and be shipped by random white girls.? this is the first dead dude in frEEMERICA lolBURR: sit your ass down levi weeks ain't no slayerAka, me completely annihilating Hamilton lyrics.[Above you have a beautiful example of Non-Stop.]Reviews are better than kudos, and appreciated! <3





	1. Aaron Burr, Sir

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what I'm doing anymore.  
> If you liked this, feel free to give me a request!
> 
> -Georgie

***ba da da da dam tss da da tss***

**JESUS:** 1776.

New York City.

 **HAMBONE** : oi are u burr

 **BURR SIR:**  who the fuk are you

 **HAMBONE** : alezandwer hamertlin i been stalking you a while now hope u dont mind

 **BURR SIR:** uh

 **HAMBONE:** also mighta punched a friend of urs sorry lol

 **BURR SIR:**  ??? i have no friends

 **HAMBONE** : he handles the kaching

 **BURR SIR** : o it was the bursir

 **HAMBONE:**  holy shit how u so smart

 **BURR SIR** : my parents is ded

 **HAMBONE:** sAME THOUGH !! omg we need 2 overthrow the government

 **BURR SIR:** first lets go get wasted

 **HAMBONE:** :''D

 **BURR SIR** : also shut the fuk up

 **HAMBONE:** D'':

 **BURR SIR:** :)

 **HETERO:** yoyoyOoOyoYoYo yo Yo YO yo yo yo showtime bitchez

 **BURR SIR** : why

 **HETERO** : i'm jhon lawrenzs and i get drunk af every day!!  im also super str8 and definitely not showing off for that cute guy next to burr

 **LAFFYTAFFY** : onhonhon oui oui baguette im laffytette and the king can go 2 hell

 **BRAH:** brah brah i'm  ~~desperate~~ HERKULIS MULLYGUN and i bang anything taht moves

 **HETERO:** burr you need to contribute

 **BURR SIR:** spit sit see where we land

 **HETERO/LAFFYTAFFY/BRAH:** wow no

 **HETERO:** why cant you be more like us

 **HAMBONE:** seriously dude they have a point

 **HETERO/LAFFYTAFFY/BRAH:**  who the fuk are you

 

 


	2. Non-Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HAMILTON: gentlemen of the jury did you know one day y'all gon die and be shipped by random white girls.? this is the first dead dude in frEEMERICA lol  
> BURR: sit your ass down levi weeks ain't no slayer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shotout to ryan_cecil for existing and requesting!  
> I hope your eyeballs don't bleed when you're done reading :)  
> I think this one is better than the other one... idk.  
> Enjoy, and feel free to give me more suggestions!
> 
> -Georgie

**TINKLE BURRL:** after the way i went back to ny

 **HAMMERTIME:** i stalked burr

 **TINKLE BURRL:** i studied and did law biz

 **HAMMERTIME:** i stalked burr

 **TINKLE BURRL:** even though hammiltin stalked me (dont think i didnt notice you little shit) turns out hes actually pretty good at lawyering. mainly cause he dont shut up.

 **HAMMERTIME:**   gentlemen of the jury did you know one day y'all gon die and be shipped by random white girls.? this is the first dead dude in frEEMERICA lol

 **TINKLE BURRL** : sit your ass down levi weeks ain't no slayer

 **HAMMERTIME:**  dont tell me what 2 do

 **TINKLE BURRL:** y u think u so smart? y u think u so smart? y u think u so smart? soon imma shoot you

 **TINKLE BURRL:** y u write all the time? y u write day-night? is it cause your bf dead?

 **HAMMERTIME** : corruption goes way back but i, a young thirty somethinger can totally solve it cause im awesome n shit 

 **TINKLE BURRL:** ham at the convo thing

 **HAMMERTIME:** i was chosen for the convo thing :')

 **TINKLE BURRL** : he be new

 **HAMMERTIME** : i be rude 

 **TINKLE BURRL:** goes n proposes new gov

 **JESUS:** what

 **TINKLE BURRL** : new gov

 **JESUS:** what

 **TINKLE BURRL** : talks for 6 hours. everyone is forced 2 pretend they give a shit about what hes saying

 **JESUS:** bright young man

 **STALIN** : yo who the f is this

 **TINKLE BURRL** : y u always blah blah? y u always blah blah? people gettin guns thx to your blah blah

 **TINKLE BURRL:** y u write like its not a thing? y u write like its not a thing? do whatever you want, im done

_***knock knock*** _

**TINKLE BURRL:** hammeltern

 **HAMMERTIME:** eyyy burr

 **TINKLE BURRL:** i was sleeping you piece of shit

 **HAMMERTIME:** cool i need help

 **TINKLE BURRL:** go ask laurens

 **HAMMERTIME:** he ded fam

 **TINKLE BURRL:** fine whats up

 **HAMMERTIME** : youre my lawyer senpai back me up here 

 **TINKLE BURRL** : ? wut

 **HAMMERTIME: i** got some gov papers i need your skillz

 **TINKLE BURRL:** fuk off

 **HAMMERTIME:** burr plz

 **TINKLE BURRL:** nu

 **HAMMERTIME:** join the hamilsquad we hav cookies

 **TINKLE BURRL** : no one will read ur crap hamilltoen go home

 **HAMMERTIME** : stop being a little bitch 

 **TINKLE BURRL** : um excuse you???

 **TINKLE BURRL** : ill keEP ALL MY PLANS CLOSE 2 MY CHEST /W8 4 IT W8 4 IT/ ILL SEE WHICH WAY THE VROOOM WILL BLOW I TAKE MY TICK TOCK WATCHIN SHIT HAPPEN WHILE I SIT IN MAH LANE SO YEAH NO

 **A JELLYFISH:** im going to tea-topia, just got hitched with someone who got da bling

 **A JELLYFISH:** he aint fun but like i sed he got da bling lol see ya sucker

 **HAMMERTIME** : anjellyfish nu

 **ELOSER** : look around u, ur one priveleged bastard hamemeton

 **TINKLE BURRL:** alex finds new hamilsquad members and decides 2 write a shit ton of unnecessary essays. he calls them the federalist papers because 'the squad sheets' didnt sound cool enough

 **JOHN JAY** : blarghhhh no

 **MADASAHATTERSON:** achoo achoo im out

 **HAMMERTIME:** ugh alright but ur paying for the paperclips 

 **TINKLE BURRL:** hammERTOENEN WROTE THE OTHAH 51

 **TINKLE BURRL:** how u write like u got no tick tock? how u write like you got no tick tock? every day you fite like theres no tick tock? do you not have tick tock

 **WASHING MACHINE:** theyre asking me 2 be big daddy 

 **HAMMERTIME:** t/s

 **WASHING MACHINE** : i need help being big daddy

 **HAMMERTIME:** t/s

 **WASHING MACHINE:** will u help me be big daddy

 **HAMMERTIME** : t/s you deaf piece of shit

 **WASHING MACHINE** : t

 **HAMMERTIME:** kewl

 **ELOSER** : alex pls no

 **HAMMERTIME** : look around mothafukah

 **ELOSER** : helplez

 **A JELLYFISH:** i feel so lucky im not married to him tbh

 **WASHING MACHINE:** history is stalking u

 **TINKLE BURRL:** put down the fuking pen

 **HAMMERTIME:** *crowdsurfs* iamNOT THrOwiiNG AWAY mY SHIT

 


	3. The Story of Tonight (Reprise)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LAURENS: im gon die in about ten minutes  
> MULLIGAN/LAFAYETTE: you gon die in about ten minutes  
> LAURENS: but ive succed alexandrer so its cool  
> MULLIGAN/LAFAYETTE: but youve succed alexandndrrr so its cool  
> HAMILTON: lawranz that was supposed 2 be our little secret  
> LAFAYETTE: like we didnt know lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently this was a popular request, so I decided to do it.  
> I don't think it came out very well (mainly because everyone's drunk and already acting like an idiot), but meh. Who knows.  
> I hope you don't drink bleach after reading, and drop a request in the comments!
> 
> -Georgie

**STRAIGHT AS A NOODL** E: im gon die in about ten minutes

 **BRAH/LARGE BAGUETTE:** you gon die in about ten minutes

 **STRAIGHT AS A NOODLE:** but ive succed alexandrer so its cool

 **BRAH/LARGE BAGUETTE:** but youve succed alexandndrrr so its cool

 **HAMMARRIED** : lawranz that was supposed 2 be our little secret 

 **LARGE BAGUETTE** : like we didnt know lol

 **STRAIGHT AS A NOODLE** : and if the playa can get hitched

 **BRAH/LARGE BAGUETTE:** if hamawton can get hitched

 **STRAIGHT AS A NOODLE:** who knos, maybe she got some cute lady friends for mulligan so he can stop trying 2 bang our horses

 **BRAH:** ~~desperate~~

 **LARGE BAGUETTE** : raise a glass 2 freedum 

 **BRAH/STRAIGHT AS A NOODLE** : lolz

 **BRAH/STRAIGHT AS A NOODLE** : u aint seein any more of that, boi

 **BRAH** : ur her slave now heh

 **STRAIGHT AS A NOODLE** : um excuse you check ur privelege

 **LARGE BAGUETTE:** lets get shitfaced 2nite

 **STRAIGHT AS A NOODLE** : raise a glass to me.!!

 **STRAIGHT AS A NOODLE:** ok to the others too but mostly me

 **STRAIGHT AS A NOODLE:** im like the only one aelx cares about lets be honest here

 **LARGE BAGUETTE/BRAH** : ho 

 **STRAIGHT AS A NOODLE:** dont hate me cause u aint me

 **BRAH:** least the gurl got $$

 **STRAIGHT AS A NOODLE/LARGE BAGUETTE/HAMMARRIED:** eyyyy

 **LARGE BAGUETTE** : ppl gon be talking about this party for a loooong time 

 **STRAIGHT AS A NOODLE** : tru 

 **HAMMARRIED:** wait wait wait u guys

 **HAMMARRIED** : i think i see someone

 **HAMMARRIED:** hold the phone

 **LARGE BAGUETTE:** phones havent been invented yet 

 **HAMMARRIED** : oMG it's aRORON BRR

 **EGGS AND BURRCON** : fuk

 **HAMMARRIED:** yooOOO since when was ur ugly face invited???

 **EGGS AND BURRCON:** i wanted cake

 **EGGS AND BURRCON:** also congrats on the engagement. u know this girl what, a week now? 

 **BRAH** : care to repeat urself burr

 **EGGS AND BURRCON** : oh hey didnt see y'all there

 **LARGE BAGUETTE:** fuk off

 **HAMMARRIED:** omg u guys stahp being rude 2 my bffsie  >.>

 **HAMMARRIED:** thx a ton burr for showing up and eating my cake. i wish i was cool like u

 **EGGS AND BURRCON** : its not that gr8

 **HAMMARRIED** : seems pretty gr8

 **EGGS AND BURRCON:** well its not

 **HAMMARRIED** : i said it SEEMZ like it is

 **EGGS AND BURRCON:** how would u know?? youre not even cool!

 **HAMMARRIED** : *starts 2 cri* my moMMA ALWAYES SED I WAS SPESHIAL

 **STRAIGHT AS A NOODLE** : dont dis my bf you nasty ho

 **EGGS AND BURRCON:** ?? what

 **STRAIGHT AS A NOODLE:** i know exactly who you been runnin round town with

 **HAMMARRIED:** woooah burr you nasty ho

 **EGGS AND BURRCON:** thats bullshit

 **EGGS AND BURRCON:** also laurenz get ur hands off me

 **STRAIGHT AS A NOODLE:** ;))

 **EGGS AND BURRCON:** you know what im out

 **HAMMARRIED** : no!! i kind of hate u and the feeling is mutual but id rather have u here than my closest friends in ny!! 1!

 **LARGE BAGUETTE/STRAIGHT AS A NOODLE** : um rude

 **HAMMARRIED:** get your drunk asses outta here

 **HAMMARRIED** : also lawrans we still on for that 3some latr, dont worry babe ;;)

 **BRAH:** ~~pls invite me~~

 **HAMMARRIED:** burrr its ok to be a nasty ho sometimes

 **EGGS AND BURRCON** : uh

 **HAMMARRIED:** im one myself lol

 **EGGS AND BURRCON:** yeah but my situations different

 **HAMMARRIED** : how bad can it b

 **EGGS AND BURRCON** : shes married

 **HAMMARRIED** : lol who cares fuk her 

 **EGGS AND BURRCON:** shes married 2 a british officer

 **HAMMARRIED** : lol i care fuk you 

 **EGGS AND BURRCON:** congratz again hammerltin

 **EGGS AND BURRCON:** smile more (*said without a smile*)

 **EGGS AND BURRCON** : hope you dont get shot n shit cause tahtd definitely be disappointing. definitely. id be really sad. because youre my best friend and id never do anything 2 hurt u.

 **HAMMARRIED:** was that foreshadowing for something

 **EGGS AND BURRCON** : no

 **HAMMARRIED:** oh ok kool

 **EGGS AND BURRCON** : i hope you dont get shot n shit

 **HAMMARRIED:** i hope you dont get shot n shit

 

~~~

 **JESUS:** y'all need me

 

 

 

 

 


	4. The Room Where it Happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MADISON: maybe if i come we can troll hammertlin instead of reach a civilized agreement?? idk  
> JEFFERSON: sure babe  
> JEFFERSON: just try 2 vote for him so he doesnt start chewin my head off k  
> MADISON: dont tell me what 2 do you pastahumper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone who liked the previous crap I posted!!  
> But since NO ONE GAVE ME ANY REQUESTS UGH I came up with this one by scrolling through the playlist randomly.  
> Hope y'all don't end up flipping your computers/phones/devices, and please leave suggestions and comments down below if you didn't completely hate!
> 
> -Georgie
> 
> P.S. Remember: there's a lot of potentially offensive trash below. I don't believe half of what I write. Just sayin'... <3

***doododoo doo dod doo do doo***

**BURRITO** : ah mistah secrtary

 **HAMBURGER** : ey yo burr

 **BURRITO:** did you hear about good ol general lerszer

 **HAMBURGER:** sorry i was busy destroying my rep by cheating on my wife whats up

 **BURRITO:** they renamed a street after him

 **HAMBURGER** : and i give a shit because

 **BURRITO:** becuase when ur dead, aint no one gonna remember you

 **HAMBURGER:** tru 

 **BURRITO:** maybe we should commit suiside?? idk

 **HAMBURGER:** lol im down if ur down

 **BURRITO** : meh

 **BURRITO** : hows your political shit doin

 **HAMBURGER** : blargh

 **BURRITO:** lol do u even have a real plan 

 **HAMBURGER:** lol do u even have a real job

 **BURRITO:** #triggered

 **HAMBURGER:** you know what i think imma talk  < smaile

 **BURRITO:** haha kewl

 **BURRITO** : maddysun n jeffahzun are doushes

 **HAMBURGER:** well youre one 2 fukin talk

 **MADERPSON** : hammMERLTONAN

 **HAMBURGER:** l8r loser

***dou dodo dooo do odo doo doo doodo***

**BURRITO** : two black assholez and a puerto rickan piece of trash wak into a bar

 **JESUS** : tru

 **BURRITO** : when they come out theyre suddenly bffsies

 **JESUS:** ikr

 **BURRITO:** the purto rican gets to handle the bling like a boss

 **BURRITO** : and the assholez get some otehr shit they wanted

 **BURRITO:** and nO ONE ELSE WAS IN THE RECTANGULAR PERIMETER WHERE SHIT WENT DOWN THE RECTANGULAR PERIMETER WHERE SHIT WENT DOWN THE RECTANGULAR PERIMETER WHERE SHIT WENT DOWN x300

 **BURRITO:** no one really knos how the game is playd 

 **BURRITO:** the art of the trade

 **BURRITO:** wieners

 **BURRITO** : we just assume shit goes down

 **BURRITO** : but no one else is ever in the rectangular perimeter where shit goes down

  ***doo dah doo ada dodoo doo dodoODO doo***

 **JESUS:** thomass claims

 **JEFFERSWAG:** alexndnaerer showed up like a wet cat on washintin's door a while ago and even when he got hit w/ newspaper refused 2 go

 **JESUS** : thomass claimz

 **JEFFERSWAG** : he resorted 2 beggin me for help and he lookd so pathetic like a baby kitten or some shit that i had to say fine

 **JESUS** : thomass claimzes

 **JEFFERSWAG** : i went 2 ~~my bf~~ maddyshun and was like 'look ik he called you cray but lets be honest he was probly on crack at the time'

 **JESUS:** thomass claiemzsas

 **JEFFERSWAG** : so then i basically set up our hawt 3some date

 **BURRITO:** buTT

 **BURRITO** : no ONE ELSE WAS IN THE SQUARE PERIMETER WHERE SHIT WENT DOWN THE SQUARE PERIMETER WHERE SHIT WENT DOWN x4800

 **JESUS:** um ok yeah movin along

 **BURRITO:** sorry lol got a lil carried away there.

 **BURRITO** : anyway madyscun is close 2 having a mental breakdown because his plans aren't helpin shit

 **MADERPSON** : *crying and rocking in a corner* commITTEE ALWAYZ WORKED BEFOAR 

 **BURRITO** : also everyones fighting over like the least important issues

 **JESUS/STALIN/MARIO:** ashhhhhhhkahslkGSAGYUAFDUADYTSADYSFDYATDAUFYDUADT

 **BURRITO** : sounds like theyre murdering cats in there holy shit

 **BURRITO** : anyway then jeffysian arranges the hawt 3some ~~that i wasn't invited t~~ o but madizun is like um i think i have stuff 2 do that night

 **MADERPSON** : um i think i have stuff 2 do that night

 **JEFFERSWAG:** bs cmon itll be fun

 **MADERPSON** : maybe if i come we can troll hammertlin instead of reach a civilized agreement?? idk 

 **JEFFERSWAG** : sure babe

 **JEFFERSWAG** : just try 2 vote for him so he doesnt start chewin my head off k

 **MADERPSON** : dont tell me what 2 do you pastahumper

 **BURRITO** : no ONE ELSE WAS IN THE SQUARE PERIMETER WHERE SHIT WENT DOWN X10000

 **JESUS:** alezander hambERLTONTN

 **BURRITO** : how shitfaced did they get u 2 make u agree to their evil plans????

 **JESUS:** alehanjob hamERLWQTIN

 **BURRITO** : omg was washernton there too?? was this like a squad meetup?!/?

 **JESUS** : alerhandah hamELERMEM

 **BURRITO:** wait were there cupcakes!!? if there were so help me god i will punch u alexnader--

 **HAMBURGER:** omg calm yo tits 

 **HAMBURGER:** we talked just bout the bling

 **HAMBURGER** : thats all

 **BURRITO:** cupcakes? ?

 **HAMBURGER** : no? ?

 **HAMBURGER** : anyway now im in charge of the bank thingy while those c-listerz just get a fancy map spot

 **BURRITO** : holy shit ur a cupcakeless mastermind

 **HAMBURGER** : ya u just wish u could be more like me

 **HAMBURGER** : see ya later asshat

 **BURRITO:** ...........i wanna be in the square perimeter where shit goes down

 **BURRITO:** the SQUARE PERIMETER WHERE SHIT WENT DOWN

 **BURRITO:** THE SQUARE PERIMETER WHERE SHIT WENT DOWN AHHHHHHHHHHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHJDKJAFKAFAJFDJSADFKJSAFDKSOYRRIQURYIUQWRT932493249324

 **HAMBURGER** : do u need a sedativ

 **BURRITO:** 171`8719261WWHJGDKUAFDKJSAFDKJADKJAFDJAFKJDSFAHHHHADFASJDKSAFDSAHFDFKJA

 **BURRITO:** ASKASHKJAHSKJASAHDGTUTR8 SQUARE PERIMETER WHERE SHIT WENT DOWN SDUDYY838736482862868263782

 **BURRITO** : ooooooHHHHHHHHHHHHH I GOTTA BE IEUWEWE98W7E9W7EW987E98W

 **BURRITO** : KSDKAHDKAJLKDJGALKDGAJLGD TRUMP IS OUR PREZIDENT WE SCREWED UP FAM 9IU2Y39823982323872638 HHSDHSJDKALDLKADLKA

 **BURRITO** : owoooWWWOAHHHHHHH DSGUSDUTD IVE GOT TO BE IN THAT BIG OL SQUARE PERIMETER SOSOOSOSOSOSWUYE

 **BURRITO:** click boom.

 **HAMBURGER:** get some fukin help

 

 

 


	5. The Schuyler Sisters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THEY'RE LOOKING FOR A MIND AT TWERK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.  
> Feel free to drop a request!
> 
> -Georgie

**BURRLOON** : rich folks are assholez

 **BURRLOON** : take philep skailr

 **BURRLOON:** (a completely coincidental example given the fact that his three daughters are on the opposite street as i am)

 **BURRLOON:** that man shits gold

 **BURRLOON** : also his daughterz are radical fenimists so yeah 

 **BURRLOON** : still gon try 2 hit on them tho

 **ANGELIKILLYOURSEL** F: anGELICKAAAAA

 **ELIZARD** : eLAIZASASAAAA

 **DIS GIRL** : and margarita "peggy" schuyler van rensselaer

 **ANGELIKILLYOURSELF/ELIZARD/DIS GIRL** : the skailLllerRr SistARZ

 **ANGELIKILLYOURSELF:** anGERLiCkkaaa

 **DIS GIRL** : margarita "peggy" schuyler van rensselaer

 **ELIZARD** : ellllIIiiiZHHHAA

 **JESUS:** twerk!

 **DIS GIRL:** k gurls time 2 get ur drunk feminist asses home

 **ANGELIKILLYOURSELF:** lol fuk u

 **DIS GIRL:** daddy gon b mad af

 **ELIZARD:** snitches get stitches peggi

 **ANGELIKILLYOURSELF** : omg just look at all the shit goin down around us!!1!

 **ELIZARD/DIS GIRL** : arooouunnddd usssz

 **JESUS:** angelikakaaaa

 **JESUS** : tWERK!

 **DIS GIRL:** shame all of its gonna be blown up soon

 **ELIZARD** : nooo thats the best part 

 **DIS GIRL** : elaiza what the fuk

 **ANGELIKILLYOURSELF:** im gettin so inpsired by all this shit

 **DIS GIRL:** its probably the weed u smoked tbh

 **JESUS:** loOooK roOoUND

 **ELIZARD** : someone explain what im swivelling my head round like a giraffe for ??

 **HETEROSEXUAL CAVEMEN** : eyyyyy ;))

 **ANGELIKILLYOURSELF:** um no

 **ANGELIKILLYOURSELF:** eloizah we swivellin 4 a mind at twerk twerk swivellin 4 a mind at twerk twerk

 **ANGELIKILLYOURSELF/DIS GIRL/ELIZARD:** woooooaahhhhhhhhhHHjahagsjjhjhhhh TWERK

 **BURRLOON** : eyyyy sexy u smellin good wanna fuk l8r

 **ANGELIKILLYOURSELF** : ew u hav a left hand, use it

 **BURRLOON** : #triggered

 **ANGELIKILLYOURSELF** : since im so rich i get 2 read a shit ton of literatur and tht makes me much better than u 

 **ANGELIKILLYOURSELF:** also ur a man

 **ANGELIKILLYOURSELF** : sooo yeah i kinda h8 you by default?? ?

 **JESUS** : twerk!!

 **ELIZARD:**  look around look around pass a joint 420 blaze it

 **ANGELIKILLYOURSELF:** history b goin down for real

 **EVERYONE:** twerk tWERK

 **ANGELIKILLYOURSELF** : angerlIckCCaaa

 **ELIZARD:** eLLizahhhh

 **DIS GIRL** : and margarita "peggy" schuyler van rensselaer

 **JESUS:** thhhhEEE SCHAIILRREER SISTAHS

 **EVERYONE + JESUS** : they lookin 4 a mind at twerRRK

 

~~~

 

(lots of fancy vocal stuff im 2 lazy 2 do)

(may satan bless yall)

(goodnight)

 

 


	6. Ten Duel Commandments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JESUS: numbreheeh 6  
> HAMILTON: write a letter 2 ur fam tellin them y u got shot. thatll def make them feel better  
> HAMILTON: also srry 2 tell u lawrenz but ur gay sooo...  
> HAMILTON: say hi to satan k  
> LAURENS: you fukin hypocrite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Nina Hodgson for requesting this <3  
> Hope it lives up to your (probably low) expectations!  
> Don't forget to drop comments, requests, and a bomb (so I can end the misery that is this fic) :)
> 
> -Georgie

**JESUS** : one two three fer feive sis sevin ate nine tin

 **BURRBOON/HAMILTONGUE/RAINBOW/MEH:** its the ten rules of not gettin shot n shit

 **JESUS** : number 1

 **RAINBOW** : ok so im pretty triggered rn but if douchepants over there sayz sorry im willin to be kool

 **JESUS:** numberr 2

 **RAINBOW** : lol sIKE

 **RAINBOW** : babe get ur ass over here ur my bffsie

 **HAMILTONGE** : k 

 **JESUS:** numbre 3

 **MEH:** make ur bffs fite each other so u dont have to fite

 **BURRBOON:** cant we all get along tho

 **HAMILTONGUE** : aahahahahahahahahahaahhaahahahahaha 

 **HAMILTONGUE** : no 

 **JESUS:** most people dont get shot n shit

 **HAMILTONGUE** : (*most)

 **JESUS:** numbreah 4

 **RAINBOW** : aw yeah time to get GUNZ 

 **BURRBOON:** and docters

 **HAMILTONGUE:** stfu burr you killjoy

 **JESUS:** 5!!!!

 **MEH** : its gotta b an early duel bc i have a perf complexion n dont want the sun 2 ruin it

 **RAINBOW** : aw 2 bad all the blOOD ON YER FOOKEN FACE WILL RUIN IT

 **JESUS:** numbreheeh 6

 **HAMILTONGUE** : write a letter 2 ur fam tellin them y u got shot. thatll def make them feel better 

 **HAMILTONGUE:** also srry 2 tell u lawrenz but ur gay sooo...

 **HAMILTONGUE:** say hi to satan k

 **RAINBOW** : you fukin hypocrite

 **JESUS:** 7!!!

 **MEH** : oooh shits gettin real

 **JESUS** : noumrwah 8

 **BURRBOON/HAMILTONGUE/RAINBOW/MEH:** bffsie conference time yo

 **BURRLOON** : alehanjer!

 **HAMILTONGUE** : straight guy!

 **EVAN EDWARDS:** (uh actually im lee's bffsie? ?)

 **HAMILTONGUE** : lol go away ur not relevant 2 the plot

 **BURRLOON:** tru 

 **BURRLOON** : anyway hamerlton just wanted 2 say this is stoopid

 **HAMILTONGUE** : ur stoopid

 **BURRLOON:** ?? omg rude 

 **MEH** : so howd it go

 **BURRLOON** : couldnt reach an agreement. soz. u gotta kill his bf

 **JESUS** : noumebreh 9

 **HAMINTONGUE:** glare at them like a christian in an lgbt parad n start 2 count

 **JESUS:** 1 2 3 4 561 82 1 9020 10001 0 

 **JESUS** : fire dem gunz!! 1!!

 

 

 


	7. Say No To This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MARIA: i know u ar a man of honor  
> MARIA: but will you plz fuk me  
> HAMILTON: uh   
> MARIA: ***loan me some money  
> MARIA: lol autocorrect srry  
> HAMILTON: ??? this is a verbal conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I woke up and had like 10 new comments????  
> Shoutout to ThreeEyedBunnyTrash and JohnLaurensInThePlaceToBe for making me nearly cry from happiness ;w;  
> This is a request from JohnLaurensInThePlaceToBe.   
> Don't forget to comment your favorite parts and leave requests for more garbage!! <3
> 
> -Georgie

***bam bam bam bahha bar bamahammm***

**LITERALLY ONLY APPEARS ONCE IN THIS SONG:** aw yeah sunshinez out this is mah jAM

***berm bah ber baha abam bammam abm***

**LITERALLY ONLY APPEARS ONCE IN THIS SONG:** a nasty ass puerto rican ho meets ex-playboy star

* **loo doo dah daaaah***

 **LITERALLY ONLY APPEARS ONCE:** shits goin down for real

 **LITERALLY ONLY APPEARS ONCE** : yo alex wanna describ the shit tht went down

 **HAMINNOCENT:** ok so i was sooo high right

 **HAMINNOCENT:** hella high

 **HAMINNOCENT** : and horny

 **HAMINNOCENT:** hella horny

 **HAMMINOCENT** : then dis bitch appears n im like ....

 **SINAMMON ROLL:** i know u ar a man of honor

 **SINAMMON ROLL:** but will you plz fuk me

 **HAMINNOCENT:** uh 

 **SINAMMON ROLL:** ***loan me some money

 **SINAMMON ROLL:** lol autocorrect srry

 **HAMINNOCENT:** ??? this is a verbal conversation

 **SINAMMON ROLL:** anyWAY

 **SINAMMON ROLL** : my huzband keeps on beatin me up n shit but now he suddenly vanished ?? i need sos :((

 **HAMINNOCENT:**  well ur pretty cute so heres some cash 

 **SINAMMON ROLL** : awesome c u l8r

 **HAMINNOCENT:** wait where u live

 **SINAMMON ROLL:** down the block its like 4 mins away

 **HAMINNOCENT** : oh shIT DATS FAR!!?!?! u sure u dont need an escort ??? 

 **SINAMMON ROLL:** what a nice offer ;)

***they go to le house***

**SINAMMON ROLL:** wanna crash fr a bit ;)

 **HAMINNOCENT** : i have a wife 

 **SINAMMON ROLL** : *spredz legz*

 **HAMINNOCENT** : im single

***marea n hamerlayn fook***

**HAMINNOCENT** : i wish i coul say that was the lazt time but oh no shes hot

 **HAMINNOCENT:** after bout a month o'this i got a letter from a mr james dude

 **MR JAMES DUDE:** okay so just got th news bout you n mariah. newsflash alert: that? was? my? wife??

 **MR JAMES DUDE:** so yeah im kinda pissed. also if u dont pay me _ur_ wife is gon hear bout dis

 **HAMINNOCENT** : shIET

 **HAMINNOCENT:** mariA WHAT DID U DO

 **SINAMMON ROLL** : i dont know bout no leytter!!!

 **HAMINNOCENT** : bitch i dIDNT EVEN MENTION A LETTER???

 **SINAMMON ROLL:**  

 **SINAMMON ROLL:**  

 **SINAMMON ROLL:**  stayyyyyy

 **HAMINNOCENT** : dude

 **HAMINNOCENT** : u just ruined my fukin life and now you wanna bang

 **HAMINNOCENT:** r u shitting me

 **SIANMMON ROLL** : well yeah but im hot n nakid soo... wanna go ;)

 **HAMINNOCENT** : ................(lerd show me how 2 say no 2 dis)

 **JESUS:** just say no ??

 **HAMINNOCENT:**  (in my mind im trynna go but shes hot n nakeid what do i do)

 **JESUS** : just say no its not that hard bro

 **HAMINNOCENT:**  (2 late her mouths on mine brb)

 **JESUS** : jesus

~*~

 **MR JAMES DUDE:** so ?

 **HAMINNOCENT** : nobody needz 2 kno

 **HAMINNOCENT** : ~~exept the whole country when i publish it oops~~

 

 


	8. The Election of 1800

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BURR: im goin door to door !!  
> HAMILTON: you became a jehovahs witness?  
> BURR: sure !!!  
> HAMILTON: is there anythin u wouldnt do?  
> BURR: suck ur dicc  
> HAMILTON: #triggered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oKAY so I know I said I would first post 'What'd I Miss,' then 'Washington on Your Side' and THEN this but I couldn't help myself.  
> hamiltonwithalaptop, this is all your fault. -w-  
> After this though I'm getting back on track. I'll do 'Washington on Your Side,' then 'What'd I Miss' (by order of preference.)  
> Feel free to give me more requests though! I promise I'll get to them eventually ^u^''  
> Anyway... yeah!  
> I hope you don't kill yourselves after reading!  
> Drop a comment with your favorite parts! <3
> 
> -Georgie

**JESUS:** the erection of gayteen hundred

 **JEFFERSNOT** : so jhon adamz is fookin stupid

 **JEFFERSNOT:** hamiltin is a fookin disgrace

 **JEFFERSNOT:** maddisun is fookin me

 **JEFFERSNOT** : and arun burr is fookin up my life

 **MADAMNSON** : well yknow

 **MADAMNSON:** hes very attractive--

 **JEFFERSNOT:** his head is like an egg

 **MADAMNSON** : --in the north. new yorkers like his chances

 **JEFFERSNOT:** hes a very quiet egg

 **MADAMNSON:** if u ask him a question he starts 2 scream 'tALK LESS SMAILE MOAR'

 **MADAMNSON:** i dont think thats normal

 **JEFFERSNOT** : im so obviously better than him coME ON

 **JEFERSNOT:** so what if im gay fr france ?

 **JEFFERSNOT** : at least im gay 

 **MADAMNSON:** thomaz thats the problem. this is 1800 not 2017. everyone still thinks gay ppl r the work of the devil

 **JEFFERSNOT** : ~~i am the work of the devil tho~~

 **MADAMNSON:** mayb if u got some str8 backup u'd be more populr?

 **JEFFERSNOT:** the only str8 person in this musical is aron burr

 **MADAMNSON:** .....u have a point

 **MADAMNSON** : in that case i propose 2cond best

 **JEFFERSNOT:** ??

 **MADAMNSON:** dont laugh

 **JEFFERSNOT:** ???

 **MADAMNSON:** hes not compltly str8 but he likes guys AND girlz soo...

 **JEFFERSNOT** : ahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahahahahahahahahahaha 

 **MADAMNSON:** i said dont laugh you macaroni molester

 **JEFFERSNOT** : lol sorry babe

 **MADAMNSON** : it might be nice, it might be nice to get a sort of kind of semi str8 guy on ur side

 **JEFFERSNOT/MADAMNSON** : it might be nice, it might be nice to get a sort of kind of semi str8 guy on ur side

 **LIKE A BURRS** : tALK LEZ

 **LIKE A BURRS:** smAILE MOAR

 **LIKE A BURRS:** be an enIGMATIC PIECE OF SHIT

 **LIKE A BURRS:** pls vOTE FOR ME

 **DUDE:** i dont like adamz

 **DUDE:** well hes gonna lose thts just defeatist

 **DUDE:**  and jeffysun?

 **DUDES:** in love with james! !

 **DUDES:** i mean i dont care if he kisses him n stuff

 **DUDES** : but like

 **DUDES:** he does it without sayin 'no homo' after

 **DUDES** : that makez it gay

 **THE CHOIR OF SATAN:** dear mr hammerlatn,

we know we kind of screwed u over after the reynolds pamphlet came out but now we need ur help ??

ur the str8est guy we got :/

 **HAMILTURNDOWNFORWHAT:** fuk off im mourning

 **THE CHOIR OF SATAN** : dear mr hambearlton,

jhon adams sucks dicc in his free time so who r u promotin

 **HAMILTURNDOWNFORWHAT** : fuk off im mourning

 **THE CHOIR OF SATAN:** str8 guy or gay? str8 guy or gay? we know its a weird question

 **THE CHOIR OF SATAN:** str8 guy or gay? str8 guy or gay? but since u swing both ways we thought u were a good guy 2 ask

 **HAMILTURNDOWNFORWHAT** : well if it isnt the quiet egg

 **LIKE A BURRS:** alabama !

 **HAMILTURNDOWNFORWHAT:** can u stop filling the neihborhood with ur fukin posters? im tryin 2 mourn

 **LIKE A BURRS:** im goin door to door !!

 **HAMILTURNDOWNFORWHAT** : you became a jehovahs witness?

 **LIKE A BURRS** : sure !!!

 **HAMILTURNDOWNFORWHAT** : is there anythin u wouldnt do?

 **LIKE A BURRS:** suck ur dicc

**HAMILTURNDOWNFORWHAT:**

**LIKE A BURRS:**

**HIMLTURNDOWNFORWHAT:**

**LIKE A BURRS:**

**HAMILTURNDOWNFORWHAT:** you know what?

 **LIKE A BURRS:** what

 **HAMILTURNDOWNFORWHAT** : im vOTING FOR JEFFRSYN

 **EVERYONE: ?**?? wait what

 **HAMILTURNDOWNFORWHAT** : i hAVE NEVER AGREED WITH JEFARSON ONCE

 **HAMILTURNDOWNFORWHAT** : we hAVE FOUGHT ON LIKE 73262872 DIFFERENT FRONTS

 **HAMILTURNDOWNFORWHAT** : buT WHEN ALL IS SAID AND IT'S TIME TO PICK

 **HAMILTURNDOWNFORWHAT:** ......at lEAST JEFFERZUN WOULD SUCK MY DIK

 **MADAMNSON** : (keep it in ur pants dude hez mine)

 **JEFFERSNOT:** omfg i won

 **LIKE A BURRS** : congratz tomas! cant wait 2 work w/you :)

 **JEFFERSNOT:** 'work w/me?'

 **JEFFERSNOT:** bitch

 **JEFFERSNOT** : you r working FOR me now

 **LIKE A BURRS:** uh

 **JEFFERSNOT** : and my first order 2 u is this: tell hamilatn thanks when u see him

 **JEFFERSNOT:** then go fuk urself with a cactus

 **JEFFERSNOT** : bye boi

**LIKE A BURRS:**

**LIKE A BURRS:**

**LIKE A BURRS:** *cris*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. I swear I'm not high

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Twinkle twinkle little star,  
> Eliza just exorcised dead John who was stalking Alex.

 

okAY SO HI IT'S GEORGIE

Don't worry, I'm not announcing that I'm quitting this or anything. I just wanted to tell you guys about this dream I had! It might sound kind of silly but hEY I'm already trashing my dignity with this crackfic to begin with, so why not???

So I'd already spent the day looking up Laurens fanart and fics of him being Philip's ghost protector (a headcanon y'all should definitely check out if you don't know it already), and when I went to sleep I guess those images and stories decided to linger around.

I had this really weird dream that Laurens, after he died, become _Alex's_ protector.

Like, he'd watch over him and put his papers in order and make sure he never fell down the stairs from lack of sleep. Stuff like that, y'know. Since the war was over. Kind of cheesy, yeah, but here's where it gets weird.

As we all know, Laurens is one hell of an empathetic loudmouth ( ~~fools who run their mouths off wind up dead).~~ And while watching everyone mourn for him I guess he couldn't take it, so he decided to make his presence known.

Not to Alex though. Because then Alex, being stubborn and nonstop and stuff would definitely try to find some way to get him back, and Laurens didn't want him feeling crushed when he failed. (Also, the realization that John was so close yet impossible to reach would probably kill him.)

So instead, Laurens chose to tell Eliza. You know. Like a second-best Hamilton sort of thing. And since this is a dream we're talking about, he found some way (don't ask me, I don't remember how) and got around to basically saying, _hey, I'm not exactly alive but I'm here for you guys and I'm watching over your husband._

Interesting fact some of you guys might not have known: the real Elizabeth Schuyler was pretty religious. So when she got this message from the otherwordly cosmos, well, she kinda flipped out. And sort-of exorcised Laurens' ghost into oblivion.

Yeah. She killed dead John.

....

Why am I telling you all this, you may be asking.

I have no idea, I reply.

I guess it was a pretty cool dream?? Also I'm lazy and procrastinating between working on this and updating my other fic, 'Sometimes it Makes Me Wonder.' So yeaaaah.

 

Mornin'!

 


	10. Washington On Your Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MADISON: we shoud stalk hamberlatin's papers  
> BURR: is tht legal  
> MADISON: lol who cares? we're the govnment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty sure it was ryan_cecil who requested this. I hope you're satisfied, god I hope you're satisfied.  
> Next up: 'What'd I Miss.'  
> Comment your favorite parts!!
> 
> -Georgie

**I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN:** itd be kool, itd be kool

 **I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN:** to get a sugar daddy 2 backup our shit

 **JEFFERSLUM:** hamaletun is such an asshole omg

 **JEFFERSLUM:** he writes shit bout us in th papers

 **JEFFERSLUM:** and wears  ~~sexy~~ stoopid clothes

 **JEFFERSLUM:** we should all just totally shoot him

 **I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN:** i gotchu fam

 **JEFFERSLUM:**?? .......nice joke ahaha

 **I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN:** yah just a joke

 **I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN:** /sweats/

 **JEFFERSLUM:** but srsly ur right

 **JEFFERSLUM/I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN:** itd be kool, itd be kool 

 **JEFFERSLUM/I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN:** to get a sugar daddy 2 backup our shit

 **JEFFERSLUM/I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN:** look back at th bill o'raits

 **MADISWAG:** whiCH I W RO TE!!!

 **I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN:** omg not eveyrthing is about u madisun 

 **JEFFERSLUM:** shut your mouth you str8 egg, my bf is fukin precious

 **MADISWAG:** thx babe

 **MADISWAG** : so the govnmens now the size of hamilltin's wifes belly... not good

 **I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN:** look in his eyes!! hes wEARIN GLASSSES!!!

 **JEFFERSLUM:**?? so

 **I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN:** y tho? if n0t tO TAKE DEADlY AIM AND KILL US ALL IN OUR SLEEP ?????

 **JEFFERSLUM:** dude usually ppl need glasses 2 see

 **I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN:** thts what they want u 2 think

 **MADISWAG:** we shoud stalk hamberlatin's papers

 **I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN** : is tht legal

 **MADISWAG:** lol who cares? we're the govnment

 **JEFFERSLUM:** thts such a good idea omg i knew there was a reason im datin u

 **MADISWAG:**?? um im the only one willin 2 suck ur dicc

 **I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN:** ewww gross tmi

 **MADISWAG:** shut up str8 egg

 **JEFFERSLUM:** u think wE'RE gross??? hav u seen hamqltin w/washintun ??

 **JEFFERSLUM:** its all 'yes sir'/'no sir'/'suck me sir'

 **JEFFERSLUM:** its fukin disgustin

 **MADISWAG:** not 2 mention he swings both ways so....... ew

 **MADISWAG/JEFFERSLUM/I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN:** oH

 **MADISWAG/JEFFERSLUM/I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN:** this bisexual aint somebody we'd bed

 **MADISWAG/JEFFERSLUM/I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN:** this bisexual has a bf (hes ded)

 **MADISWAG/JEFFERSLUM/I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN:** this bisexual's now flirtin w/georgie

 **MADISWAG/JEFFERSLUM:** anD hE DIDNT EVEN INVITE US 2 TH ORGIE 

 **I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN:** wait im str8 tho

 **MADISWAG/JEFFERSLUM:** thats y ur not really a part of our squad we just let u think u are

 **I HOPE THAT YOU BURRN:**.....

 **I HOPE THAT YOU BURN:** *cris*

 **JESUS** : *pats*

 

 

 

 

 

 


	12. Hamilton gone to Hell: Part 2??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I REMEMBER THAT NIGHT I JUST MIGHT REMEMBER THAT NIGHT; IT WAS A WINTERS DANCE  
> I REMEMBER THOSE SOLDIER BOYS DIGGING INTO MY SHIRT AND UP MY PANTS-- /shot/

Hey you guys, Georgie here again!!

I know it's kind of early for another note already, but I thought this might actually interest you (unlike my creepy gay dreams, heh.)

So I was thinking that since a lot of you ( ~~like two people)~~  seem to like the rhyming parts, and I really like writing those parts, maybe I can have a second 'Hamilton Gone To Hell' fic that's me paraphrasing all the lyrics but this time, in rhyme.

....Yeah I didn't explain that right.

Just, uh... here's an example of what 'Satisfied' would look like:

 

_I remember that night, I just might remember that night-- it was a winter's dance,_

_I remember those soldiers boys digging into my shirt and up my pants,_

_I remember that dreamlike candlelight that sent Peggy's hair aflame_

_But aleHANDJOB I WILL NEVER FORGET THE FIRST TIME I SCREAMED YOUR NAME_

 

See what I mean?

You can sing it in tune, _and_ it's more fun for me to write.  ~~I came up with it in like three minutes.~~

I'm obviously not quitting _this_ fic (I'm having way too much fun) but I'm just saying maybe as a side-fic sort of thing...?

Drop a comment for what you think. Should I go through with this or what?

(Also, for all you wondering-- 'What'd I Miss' is on the way <3)


	13. What'd I Miss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JEFFERSON: anyway i was also talkin to laffytaff (fuked him a few times,,, it felt like selfcest fr some reason ???) then remembered i have a bf n was like 'byeee boiiii'  
> JEFFERSON: ....... pls dont tell maddsion all that 
> 
> (Also, Jesus is a killjoy.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okayOKAYOKAYOKAYY  
> So my sidefic to 'Hamilton gone to Hell' has been posted, as you guys requested last chapter. Feel free to check it out and gimme some feedback!  
> In the meantime, here's 'What'd I Miss.' Sorry for the strange spacing in the beginning... I don't even know what happened, and was too lazy to fix it _w_'''  
> Don't forget to drop a comment of your favorite part, and/or a request!  
> Enjoy!  
> *silently hands you antidepressants*
> 
> -Georgie

**JESUS:**  171818. 18.9 . 19991.

 **LOL NO ONE CARES:** 2017. 

 **JESUS:** no i think its a little earlier thn that--

 **LOL NO ONE CARES:** stfu im the narrator i do what i want

 **LOL NO ONE CARES:** 2017. 

alriht so washingtqn's big daddy, hambiltein is gettin fooked by him every night probably an now sudenly we got this pasta-pervert all th way from france

shit is goin dOWN, yo

you simply must meet thomas thomas!!!!

~~i totally remember his last name heh *sweats nervously*~~

**CHOIR OF SATAN** : tumus jeffyzuns coming out!

tumamuz jefafersun's coming ouuuuut!!

lord hes been in the closet 4 so lo0000ONNNGGGG

 **JEFFERSASS:** heyyy im back!!!

 **JEFFERSASS:** ok so franse is followin us to revolution--

 **JESUS:** i thought we already had a revolution like last song

 **JEFFERSASS:** stfu im the main antagonist i do what i want

 **JEFFERSASS:** anyway i was also talkin to laffytaff (fuked him a few times,,, it felt like selfcest fr some reason ???) then remembered i have a bf n was like 'byeee boiiii'

 **JEFFERSASS:** ....... pls dont tell maddsion all that 

 **JEFFERSASS** : theres a letter on my desk from the preszidnt-- lol y didnt he just email me

 **JESUS** : emails havent been invented yet...

 **JEFFERSASS:** like i said: stfu im the main antagonist i do what i want

 **JEFFERSASS:** sally can u open this

 **SEXY BEAST** : no fuk u

 **JEFFERSASS:** i will fuk _you_  l8r if u dont open this goddamn letter 

 **SEXY BEAST:** ughhh ur gonna be the secretary of st8 okay

 **JEFFERSASS** : awesom!! gon' go 2 new york now... byeeee

 **JEFFERSASS:** yooo look at those rollin fields!!! i cant believe we're free

 **SEXY BEAST** : _we're_ not

 **JEFFERSASS:** slaves are meant 2 b seen an not heard, sally

 **JEFFERSASS:** but wait a sec

 **JEFFERSASS:** is that

 **JEFFERSASS** : could it be

 **JEFFERSASS** : omg his face is red. hes blushing.

 **JEFFERSASS** : ahhhhHH he grabbed my arm!!

 **JEFFERSASS** : *swoon*

 **MADISDONE (WITH YOUR SHIT)** : thomass. we are engaged--

 **JEFFERSASS:** ???? woah srsly? ? since when??! thats crazy

 **JEFFERSASS** : (not that im complainin)

 **MADISDONE (WITH YOUR SHIT):** .....

 **JEFFERSASS** : Okay so I'm thinking lowkey wedding but definitely fancy enough to make everyone jealous. Spring, maybe? As for outfits, well, a blue suit would look great on you. Who should we have as bridesmaid? That Angelica Schuyler is pretty nice. Do you know her? You'd get along fine. For flowers, I'm thinking roses and violets: red and blue. Red is the color of love, and did I mention blue suits you like damn?

 **MADISONE (WITH YOUR SHIT)** : --in a battle for our nations very soul.

**JEFFERSASS:**

**JEFFERSASS:**

**JEFFERSASS:** oh right cool 

 **MADISDONE (WITH YOUR SHIT)** : um yeah so anyway

 **MADISONE (WITH YOUR SHIT)** : heads up; hammetons' an azzhole

 **JEFFERSASS:** who tf is hamdhjrron

 **MADISDONE (WITH YOUR SHIT)** : an azzhole

 **MADISDONE (WITH YOUR SHIT)** : where were u anyway

 **MADISDONE (WITH YOUR SHIT):** u werent answerin any of my texts

 **JESUS** : probably because phones havent been invented yet

 **MADISDONE (WITH YOUR SHIT):** stfu im the main antagonists sidekick/bf i do what i want

 **WASHINGBUM** : yo jeffy whats up bro--

 **SALTY:** hELLO my name is hamiltunn and u can succ my dicc

 **MADISDONE (WITH YOUR SHIT)** : he already has me 4 that

 **WASHINGBUM:** lol ignore them. whats up w/you, jeffy

 **JEFFERSASS** : nothin much 

 **JEFFERSASS** : umm

 **JEFFERSASS:** oh yeah im gay

 **WASHINGBUM + THE CHOIR OF SATAN** : lord hes been in the closet 4 so looooooOOO000NG

 **JEFFERSASS** : ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,so whatd i miss

 


	14. Satisfied (In-rhyme)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That moment when you bang a guy but then you get bored so you give him to your homophobic sister without telling her he's bi because lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I've decided to do the rhyming-song-thing not as a different work but as alternating chapters of THIS work. So here I am, re-posting Satisfied. Also, just for the record: I didn't feel like doing some lyrics, so that's when {skip} comes into play. ^^''  
> Enjoy, and don't forget:  
> Comments are better than kudos, and appreciated! <3
> 
> -Georgie

_{skip}_

[ANGELICA]

Rewind Rewind Rewind

I remember that night I just might remember that night-- it was a winter's dance

I remember those soldier boys digging into my shirt and up my pants

I remember that dreamlight candlelight that set Peggy's hair aflame

But aleHANDJOB I WILL NEVER FORGET THE FIRST TIME I SCREAMED YOUR NAME

I will never be the same

You looked me in the eyes and immediately I came

And when you said 'hi' I forgot my dang name 

...Wanna play a game?

Wanna play a game?

WaNNA PLAY A GAME??? ;)

[ALEXANDER]

You strike me as a woman who's never been laid before

[ANGELICA]

And you look gay are we done pointing out what is clear?

[ALEXANDER]

....Well, touche

Although I am not gay

[ANGELICA]

Are you sure?

[ALEXANDER]

And I've never been laid before

[ANGELICA]

...My name is Anjellyfish Schuyderp

[ALEXANDER]

Alabama Hammerman

[ANGELICA]

How long is your dick?

[ALEXANDER]

Unimportant, there's a million people I haven't done

But just you wait, just you wait

_{skip}_

[ANGELICA]

I know my sister, she's a homophobe and straight

Time for me to initialize and compensate

If I tell her he once liked Laurens she'd look around like, 'what'

'What the fu--'

Her face would give in to disgust

But when I fantasize at night it's Alehandjob's eyes

As I eat my fries and wants to dies and sits and cries

Because he's so sexay

 

At least my dear Eliza's found love 

...She doesn't know he's bi, this should be fun


End file.
